The world gone mad
by Phaelas
Summary: Sillyness and seriousness mixed. Alexander and Hephaistion have an unforgettable day.
1. Personal sunshine

Author: Phaelas

Title: The world gone mad

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sillyness and seriousness mixed. Alexander is in a depressed mood and Hephaistion finds a way to cheer him up.

Author's notes: A friend suggested I'd call this 'Phaelas gone mad'… Anyway… Just to make things a little less dramatic, I thought I'd add some humour. Can be considered a part of my other series in some way, can be read separately. Have fun, this is part 1!

-

There were those days when everything seemed wrong. Even when you had just conquered the great city of Babylon. Alexander pulled his blanket up higher to shut the morning out, praying it would leave him alone and allow the dark and warmth of the night to stay with him.

For one day, he wished he could just step out of the world, leave it all behind. No one understood him anyway. Yes, he had Hephaistion who loved him, but his lover just shared his dreams because Alexander wanted it so badly. If Hephaistion had a choice, he would have them both go back to Macedonia. Or perhaps not Macedonia. Somewhere far away from his mother…

He loved her, despite all. She was his mother. He couldn't blame Hephaistion for not sharing his feelings concerning her. He did not understand her… nor him… When it came down to it, his long time friend and lover did not understand him. At all. It was a bitter fact. He wished his mother was here… No, he did not. He wanted no one to be here. He just wanted this day to be _over._ He groaned.

Footsteps. Just lay quiet, whoever it was would go away once realising his king was asleep. Except if it was… Alexander sighed as he felt a body press up close to his back, and a tentative hand slipping beneath the covers to stroke his neck. This would not be the quiet morning he had hoped for.

"Wake up, beauty, it's morning," Hephaistion's hushed voice drifted through the air.

"Go away," he tried with the most annoyed voice he could muster. He was serious about this.

His lover laughed quietly. "Now why would I? I'm perfectly fine with just laying here until you will give in."

"I'm not in the mood, Hephaistion. Not for whatever it is you have mind. Can't you give me some peace and quiet?"

Hephaistion pretended to think. "Hmmm… No."

With an annoyed sigh, Alexander pulled the blanket down and turned around to face a grinning and very much awake Hephaistion. He let out a soft moan and closed his eyes in frustration. No peace, no quiet. Not this morning.

Lips found his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss to it. "What is wrong, little warrior?"

A gasp left Alexander's mouth. "Little warrior?"

"Sorry, sorry, I meant little _worrier_, my mistake." The dark-haired man grinned cheekily. "So why are you looking so glum this fine morning?"

"Because you are here?" Alexander tried.

"Give it up, Alexander." Hephaistion snorted and pulled away the blanket to reveal his lover's naked form.

"Hey! That's cold!"

The blue-eyed frowned with a glitter in his eyes, sat up and moved to lay down on top of Alexander. He raised his eyebrows. "Better?"

Alexander groaned. "Now I don't only have a headache, but I also have trouble breathing."

"Strange, I've never heard you complaining about such a thing before when we were in the same position. Perhaps it's because I'm clothed-"

"Phai, please!"

"A begging king? I truly think you should drink less, darling."

"Hephaistion, I did not drink! And even if I had, I will not have _you_-"

He stopped mid-sentence when he heard the other laugh, and a hand came up stroke his cheek. "Ah, little one, you are so eager to anger… It's adoring, really." Blue eyes stared down at him full of mirth.

Those where the exact words Hephaistion had used so many years ago. When they had still been children. When he had hated Hephaistion for his patronising tone, for always knowing everything better with such arrogance… Alexander rolled his eyes. "You are still like a twelve-year-old, Phai. Will you ever change?"

Hephaistion leaned forward and whispered in his ear: "You know I won't." A tongue reached down and slid along the edge of his ear. "And you know you don't want me to."

Alexander's breathing sped up as the tongue moved from his ear to his neck. Hephaistion's clothing was just providing the right amount of friction- "Phai, stop! By the gods… ahh… can't you have mercy on such a poor man… ah-" His fingers clawed in Hephaistion's hair and pulled him away. "Can't I be in a glum mood just for once?"

"You've had your chance! Come, we're going outside this day, the sun is shining and duties can wait." He rose and pulled his lover along, who sighed deeply.

"So demanding you are… I thought you were going to stop doing that."

Hephaistion looked at him full of sympathy. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. It must be so hard being you."

"It is. Do you truly think I can do anything in this state?"

"What state?" Hephaistion's gaze moved down and rested between his lover's legs. "Oh. I see."

Alexander raised an eyebrow. "You started it, you finish it."

Hephaistion sighed. "It is so hard being me." With quick steps he approached Alexander and let his lips find the other's in a demanding kiss, a warm arm sliding around his back.

Perhaps, Alexander thought, this was not the worst morning after all. That thought intensified as a hand reached down and began stroking him, but… very softly. "Phai you're a tease," he managed to growl out between kisses.

"Aye," Hephaistion agreed, and rolled his hips against his lover's, eliciting a moan. "Not in for teasing? Then let's get this over with, shall we?"

A few minutes later, a dazzled Alexander let himself fall back upon his bed. "I think I need… another night's sleep before… I can do anything else now," he panted.

"Nonsense." Hephaistion chuckled. "When I get back, I expect you fully clothed and ready to go. On horseback."

Alexander looked up, and when seeing his lover's enthusiastic face he couldn't help but grin.

Hephaistion moved closer and bent down to press another kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"Yeah yeah," Alexander mumbled and pushed the other away playfully. "You just hurry up with whatever it is you're going to do, I'll be dressed in no time."

Hephaistion smiled victoriously. "That's the spirit. Don't go anywhere!"

Alexander smiled and shook his head as his lover disappeared into the corridor. Even for Hephaistion this was an insane mood. He should be happy if he survived this day… yet he could not deny he was looking forward to it. He knew they would be kids again if only for now, and Hephaistion would take the lead as ever. Who could remain depressed if he had a personal sun to brighten his day?


	2. Like master, like horse

Part 2! More sillyness. You have been warned.

Thanks to the people who reviewed,I'm glad you liked it!

Oh and Siobhan, about the 'sweetheart', you know I think they didn't know any English words back then…lol. I understand that you may feel it is too modern, but the fact is I was just trying to use a word that would sound silly in this context, and the word being too modern serves my goal perfectly. Thank you for the tip anyway, I do appreciate it. :)

-

He had chosen simple clothing, to go with his new – or rather, old, meaning _young_ - identity for the day, and when Hephaistion returned he was not surprised his lover had thought the same. Simple, Persian clothing. They shared a smirk, all but forgotten there existed such things as being king and having duties. "So, what is your plan?" Alexander enquired, curious.

"I have no idea," Hephaistion smiled.

Alexander eyed the basket the other was holding. "Not? Then what is that for?"

"For fun." A dazzling grin was sent his way. "Come on, let's go to the stables."

Alexander raised an eyebrow but followed his friend without further question. Hephaistion glanced over his shoulder. "We're going to ride through the city."

"On Bucephalus?"

"Yeah. Like the old days." When their eyes met once more, they both knew where the other's thoughts were going - things would never be like the old days. But, Alexander realised with a smile, it did not really matter, for a person was only as young as he felt. Perhaps he had just been feeling too old the past months.

Someone approached through the corridor. With a sudden and intense boyish feeling, Alexander pulled Hephaistion with him in a passageway to the side to hide behind a statue of some noble, and he had to stifle a laugh when the person – a Persian servant - glanced in their direction in wonder.

Hephaistion chuckled when hearing his friend's muffled laughter, and showed the tip of his tongue in a cheeky grin. "And you say _I_ am bad! You are now confirming their suspicion that all Greeks have lost their mind."

Alexander snorted. "More like that we were never born with one. And about you, he may be right. Come on, the coast is clear!"

Shaking his head in wonder but with glittering eyes Hephaistion followed his alert lover. It was amazing how Alexander had turned back to his old playful self so easily.

Alexander looked back and his eyes were gleaming just the same. "Sneaking through an exotic palace… Hephaistion who would ever have thought this?"

The dark-haired just smirked and prayed they wouldn't run into anyone else. Like, Cassander. To just name the worst possibility.

They didn't, however, and soon they had snuck out of a door Hephaistion had not even known existed – Alexander claimed Bagoas had shown him, and had made Hephaistion snort – and were approaching the royal stables. The guards were slow to recognize their king.

"Halt! What is your business here?"

Alexander's face remained admiringly straight. "Foolishness."

Hephaistion could not suppress his wide grin, and suddenly the guards were looking at them intently and wide-eyed, and exchanged glances. "King… Alexander? Uhm, please… enter."

They bowed down deeply, and with a polite smile the blond man walked past them, Hephaistion right behind him. "So you are also planning on convincing all Greeks of our insanity."

"It was your idea, you know."

Hephaistion chuckled. "Right, let's not forget that. Blame it all on me when your generals start complaining later."

Alexander glanced over to him. "How do you think I get away with everything? I just blame it on you. Or your thighs."

"What's wrong with my thighs?"

Alexander grinned. "Nothing, love, they're amazing."

Bucephalus was happy to see the pair, and stood with his rear towards them and his ears in his neck.

Hephaistion glanced inside and then leaned against the stable door casually. "Like master, like horse."

Alexander shook his head disapprovingly. "A little respect towards our dearest stallion, okay? Now, you're so good at cheering up, I suggest you just…"

"Mount him like I do you?" Hephaistion stared to the ceiling nonchalantly.

Alexander stood a few moments in utter wonderment, then he burst out laughing and reached out to squeeze his lover's shoulder. "Phai, you truly are insane! There are people around here you know!"

The blue-eyed grinned. "Oh are there?" He pulled a laughing Alexander to his chest and kissed him hungrily. When he drew back, panting slightly, he licked his lips and spoke huskily: "What do you suggest then, oh dearest Alexander?"

"I suggest you go in there and tell him what a beautiful day this is, and that we're going outside and it will be fun. If he doesn't listen, kiss him. I mean, me."

"Hmmmm," Hephaistion replied, then turned back to Bucephalus, still standing motionless. "It is your horse."

"It was your idea we'd go out riding."

Hephaistion sighed. "Fine. Bucephalus, darling, look what I got here." He reached inside the basket he was still holding and got out some bread.

A black head was turned his way, and Bucephalus snorted.

"You better not reject this offer, bull head. It's my breakfast. Or Alexander's breakfast, actually." And with a sideward glance to Alexander he added: "Here, have the whole thing."

"Hey!" Alexander interrupted, but Hephaistion swapped his hands away, opened the stable door and caught a suddenly very happy Bucephalus.

"See, I just know how to handle people. Some need sex, others need food. Just make sure you don't confuse which you give to whom."

-


	3. Couple, threesome, whatever

Thank you for all the reviews! I'm glad you are enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it. (though no, I don't think that's possible LOL).

Also, lots of thanks to my dearest friend Enileve for inspiring me by being crazy, and Jared Leto for giving more inspiration with his gorgeous head and amaaazing music. Now, onto more craziness.

-

Hephaistion had nestled his head between Alexander's shoulder blades and was gently being rocked back and forth by the walking motion of his friend's black stallion. He sighed and wrapped one arm tighter around his friend. "So what were you worrying about this morning?"

"Nothing of importance. Things untrue." Alexander smiled.

"If you say so."

"I say so." Alexander sighed. "Remember when we rode through Pella like this? Everyone was cheering and laughing."

Hephaistion snorted. "Yes. I almost feel as if I'm back there. Especially the laughing part." He straightened up and looked into laughing faces, people pointing at them with happy smiles, and he nervously waved back. "Such a strange sense of humour these Persians have. What is so funny about us?"

"You're holding a picnic basket, Phai, that's why. Two grown men sitting on a warhorse heading for a _picnic_."

"Perhaps they just recognize you, and wonder if it is normal for Greek kings to parade around the city on a horse that prances around this arrogantly. Does our bull head truly have to stop at every corner to look at his reflection?" He playfully squeezed his lover's side. "Or is that just you?"

"Phai! I am looking at _us_. We're a cute couple."

"Couple, threesome, whatever."

A carefully placed elbow in his side made Hephaistion jump up, and Bucephalus nervously trotted into an older lady that began swearing at them loudly, her high voice drawing even more attention to the two.

"Stop it, you're scaring the locals," Hephaistion groaned to Alexander as she began poking them with her walking stick.

"Sorry madam, sorry," Alexander apologized, trying to avoid her smacks and steering away. Bucephalus complied happily and began trotting through the crowd.

Hephaistion held on tightly. "Alexander, this'll go _wrong_!"

"We're surrounded Hephaistion, we need to get out of here!" Alexander glanced over his shoulder, a wild look in his eyes.

Hephaistion giggled as the black horse jumped aside to avoid running into a boy. "Get lost, 'Sander!"

"We're lost already, Phai! Die bravely…"

"Think of our picnic! We can't die before we had our picnic!"

"One more reason to get out of here, I know just the spot!"

Hephaistion kept holding on as Alexander steered them into another street where people jumped aside uttering small cries of surprise. "I _so_ hope people are not recognizing us," Hephaistion muttered in the other's ear with a laugh.

Alexander steered left. "I'm taking us down to the river- WHOA!"

Bucephalus bucked and sprinted away towards the river, Alexander grasping his horse's mane, Hephaistion grabbing Alexander's.

"Let go!" Alexander yelped, desperately trying to stay on his stallion. "Phaistion!"

But his friend, caught in a huge fit of laughter, only let go when, after another buck, he suddenly realised the cold around his legs. Water. Bucephalus had jumped into the river. "Mighty Zeus, have mercy, your horse has gone insane!" he chuckled out wildly.

Soon, however, they were forced to both let go of the horse lest they all go under, and Hephaistion desperately kept his basket up high when the stream got a grip on them.

"There!" Alexander pointed, trying hard to keep his own laughter under control. "You look amazing holding that thing over your head, but let's try to reach the shore before we are run over by a boat?" With sure paces he swam away, following his divine stallion to a place where there seemed to be stairs going right from the street into the water. Panting, he reached them and climbed up. "These people truly are insane… who builds stairs into the river?"

"I don't really care… dearest… Alexander," Hephaistion growled, finally reaching the shore as well. "Here!"

Alexander took over their breakfast and waved away the helping hands of bystanders who were all looking very much amused. "We're fine, we're fine, we just have a strange horse." With a smile he pulled Hephaistion up. "Well, that was an interesting if slightly sudden morning bath."

"Yeah, and it's _your _fault," Hephaistion eyed the black horse, who decided it was time get rid of the water in his coat and shook himself like a dog, splattering his masters.

"Hey blacky, where are you manners?" Alexander chided gently, and when seeing Hephaistion's infuriated face he started laughing again.

Hephaistion huffed. "I'm not getting on the beast anymore. Ever. This is not funny!"

"It is! You promised him fun, so he made it fun. You think it is easy being a horse?" Alexander grinned and walked closer to place a kiss upon the other's pouting lips.

"Well it's got to be hard to be _your_ horse."

"See?" Alexander winked. "And I meant it when I said you look wonderful. Let's have a picnic, this place seems peaceful enough."

"You are as insane as your crazy horse," Hephaistion replied, looking around and smiling half-heartedly at the mass of people standing around them. "Thank the gods they don't understand what we're saying."

"Don't be bothered so much, Phai." Still smiling gently, Alexander raised his arms to the crowd and spoke: "The show is over, go back to your homes! To your hot husbands and long-bearded wives! Zeus be with you!" He ignored Hephaistion's muffled laughter and motioned for them to leave, and slowly the crowd dispersed.

"You have lost your mind! I'll stop saying it now, because I'm rather enjoying it, but there's truly something wrong with you!" Hephaistion chortled.

Alexander moved a hand through his hair in a self-assured motion. "A king needs to be able to handle himself in all kinds of situations. Did I pass the test?"

"As long as we won't get marriage proposals from bearded women now, fine."


	4. Elephants in the wind

Next chapter! After reading this, one of my friends commented that this was a 'slightly ridiculous story'. I wonder how she thought of the word 'slightly'…

Inspiration for this chapter: I watched the balcony scene too many times. Yeah, really.

Oh and to Nelia: Thank you very much for the offer of the challenges, but I'm afraid my head is so full of ideas I already can't find the time to write them all. Should I ever run out though, I'll be sure to contact you. ;)

Chapter 5 may take some time, I'm focusing on 'Blind' once more. Can't leave those poor people hanging with all that horrible angst… Hehe.

Thank you for all the reviews!

-

"It feels like Pella here, doesn't it? When you close your eyes, I mean." Alexander was sitting one step lower than a lying Hephaistion, and played with his feet in the clear water of the river.

Hephaistion looked up and reached out with his hand to his friend's arm. "Are you truly so fond of that place? I mean…" He sighed and let his gaze drift to the clear sky.

The blond man glanced backwards. "Perhaps I'd just like it to be that time again, when everything was so much simpler… like this."

"Things were not simpler, Alexander, you just thought they were." Hephaistion turned his head back and smiled. "But I understand what you mean. Though I would advise you to not think back upon that now, while we are sitting here in the sun, anonymous and peaceful."

"Together," Alexander added.

"As always."

Alexander turned around and his brown eyes settled on light blue ones. "Sometimes I wonder what I am doing to you, Hephaistion. I wonder why I can't live two lives, one with you somewhere peaceful, and one in which I conquer all land to the end of the world…"

Hephaistion sat up and frowned. "Do you think I am unhappy? I'm not, Alexander. I chose this life."

Alexander sighed and shook his head, his brown eyes clouded.

It was silent for a moment, then Hephaistion said with a laugh in his voice: "You know you still hold you head cocked, like that?" His eyes and lips formed a bright smile, as he mimicked Alexander's thoughtful pose.

"I've stopped that!" Alexander protested, breaking into a laugh while attempting to avoid the quick hands that were suddenly assailing his sides.

Hephaistion moved forward, intent on not letting his lover get away, and suddenly they found themselves with their noses only inches apart, both panting, their mouths slightly open…

"Like an elephant listening in the wind, Alexander, you strike me still…"

Alexander looked at him wide-eyed. "Like a what?"

They both burst into giggles, and Hephaistion pulled him closer and pressed their lips together. When he drew back he whispered: "If there weren't so many people around I'd ask you to fuck me senseless this very moment."

Alexander began to feel a little dizzy. "Oh… I'd do it despite all the people if you'd ask me."

Hephaistion smirked. "We could finally ask our dearest stallion to join in. I'm mean if we're planning on making a spectacle out of it…" He playfully stuck out his tongue and leaned forward to lick Alexander's lower lip. "Talking about which… where _is_ mister let's-have-a-bath?"

Alexander looked up. "Uhm… not here." He quickly rose and glanced around. "Not in sight, even."

"What if he's stolen?"

"Oh please," Alexander snorted, "you should rather be worried _Bucephalus_ stole someone… or bit someone's hand off… or… is that him?"

Hephaistion stood up as well and followed his friend's gaze to the large, beautiful garden of a Persian mansion, where the black stallion was contentedly chewing on some flowers. "Sweet Zeus, let's get him out of there. About, _now_."

A hand held him back and Alexander gave him a hard stare. "_Don't _draw attention."

"Right. Like we were not drawing attention by letting our horse jump head first into the river. With us on its back." Hephaistion smiled smugly.

Alexander rolled his eyes. "No, like we're not going to draw the attention of the owner of that garden. Like we're not going to get ourselves apprehended or something. Right?"

"Right," Hephaistion agreed, and they calmly strolled over to the other side of the road, smiling friendly at a bypassing camel seller.

Alexander followed the herd of camels with his eyes. "If we want to fit in, we should get ourselves one."

Hephaistion chuckled. "Don't stare like that, you'll make Bucephalus jealous. And you're drawing attention. I'm positive that dark camel over there just winked at you."

Alexander frowned at his friend, then looked over to where Hephaistion motioned him to look. He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Very funny, Phai. Now we've really captured her attention."

A smiling young lady with big, waggling hips approached the pair. She began chattering loudly in quick Persian, and Hephaistion and Alexander exchanged glances.

"You take care of the girl, I'll get blacky," Alexander smirked.

"Fine, leave me with the hardest task. You know women scare me."

Alexander giggled. "Yes, I do. Good luck."

As soon as he started heading for the garden though, the girl's eyes grew large and her voice became high and demanding as she pointed at the horse.

Hephaistion swallowed. "Alexander, she's getting angry. Don't leave me here…"

But the Persian woman had lost all notice of him and followed the blond Greek with swift paces. She grabbed Alexander's arm and pointed at the Bucephalus again, her voice and dark eyes angrily questioning.

"That ours? Uhm… Well no, one could also say we are his. I mean uhm… let me get him out of there, okay? Me is friendly Greek, going to get bad horse out of flowerbed. Yes, really."

Alexander pulled himself free of her grasp, and after a short hesitation the girl ran past him, heading for the house.

"Oh no," Alexander groaned. "Let's get out of here, quick." He stepped towards a very innocent looking Bucephalus and pulled him away from his meal.

Hephaistion frowned. "Alexander, you can't you just leave after having destroyed their garden. You'll at least be asked to marry the girl."

"I'm not marrying a camel, Phai."

"You just said yourself it is _the _way to fit in here…" He playfully avoided his lover's smack and laughed. "Better hold it there, young man, there's the father coming. With company."

"This is all your fault," Alexander hissed, turning around while pulling his face into a friendly smile once more.

Hephaistion smirked and responded softly: "Nonsense. The girl was eyeing _your _thighs."

Alexander ignored him, and took to listening to the short, bearded man, who was trying very hard to express himself in Greek. "You horse eat my plants. You pay, or I take horse."

"The poor man, anyone with such a horse is to be pitied," Hephaistion muttered.

Alexander opened his mouth to retort, then looked at the man's angry face. "Uhm… I have no money here. I will send you the money later," and quickly added while three man approached to take Bucephalus from him, "I would not…"

Two men wailed with pain as Bucephalus' set of teeth marked their fingers.

"… do that," Alexander finished, cringing.

The Persian man slowly began to redden with anger. "You black barbarian spirit have! I take other horse!"

"Hey!" Hephaistion protested as the one man that was left grabbed his arm painfully. "Stop it, you… Ahhh."

Alexander tried hard to suppress his mirth. "Dear man, this is not necessary… I am your king, you have my word I will pay for the damage done." He glanced backwards. "That is, if you leave my other horse alone. He is my personal mount." Ignoring Hephaistion's loud swearing at both the Persian man and himself, he gently patted the other's shoulder.

"You… king be? Alksander!" The sudden recognition on the man's round face was too funny for Alexander to get his laughter under control, but the man seemed to care no longer. "King Alksander! Come in my house, king."


End file.
